Four Questions To Ask Yourself If You're Considering A Joint Custody Arrangement
If you're like most people contemplating divorce, you're probably experiencing a mixture of apprehension for the future as well as a kind of relief that a bad situation may soon be coming to an end. No one likes to end a marriage that they once thought would last forever, though, and it makes it more complicated if minor children are a part of the picture. Fortunately, modern parents have more options than their counterparts of the past — it used to be that primary custody went to one parent while the other was granted standard visitation rights that usually included every other weekend, Wednesday nights, and six weeks during the summer if the child or children were on a school schedule that allowed for that situation.
If no court ruling exists, parents automatically share joint physical custody any child or children that they share. This happens when both parties feel that they can come to an agreement raising their children better on their own rather than letting the court set the guidelines. This situation can work very well provided conditions are right. Following are four things you should think about when considering pursuing joint custody.
How Well Do You and Your Soon-to-Be Ex-Spouse Communicate?
Good communication is key when it comes to making any type of custody arrangement work, but it's particularly important when custody is legally shared. The lack of court-ordered guidelines allows separated and divorced parents to craft a customized custody schedule that works for them and their child or children, but doing so requires detailed communication. One of the major pitfalls that those in this situation find themselves in is that one or both parties expect the other to automatically know what they want. Being willing and able to communicate everything keeps expectations clear.
Do You and the Other Party Have Basic Respect for One Another?
Without court-designated guidelines, it's easier for a more overbearing parent to impose his or her decisions on the other. If parents don't have a basic level of respect for one another, joint custody situations often become lopsided, with one parent manipulating the situation in ways that make everything more convenient for him or her. This usually ends up with the other parent feeling put upon and perhaps even bitter, and this can ultimately affect the functionality of the joint custody arrangement.
How Reliable Is Your Soon-to-Be Ex-Spouse?
Reliability is another factor that comes into play in matters of joint custody. If you or the other parent is the type who sometimes changes course at the last minute or otherwise is less than vigilant about meeting your obligations, joint custody may become too frustrating for the other party as well as the children. For instance, if the other party has plans to take the children to their grandparents' house for the weekend and you suddenly decide to take them camping on a whim, that throws a wrench into the other person's plans. Although there are times when last-minute changes of plans cannot be avoided, both parents need to make an effort to be reliable in order for joint custody to work.
How Flexible Are You and the Other Party?
Keep in mind that child custody isn't written in stone. What works best for everyone when the children are preschoolers might be something very different than what will work when they're teens. There will undoubtedly come times in the future when you and the other parent need to revisit your joint custody agreement and perhaps makes some beneficial changes. Keeping an open mind and being willing to adjust as the personal needs and preferences of everyone involved change over the course of time ensures smoother sailing in joint custody arrangements than sticking with the same schedule for years.
For more information, reach out to a firm such as New Direction Family Law.